Wednesday, November 29, 2006

always a first...

i wondered what happened in the past one week. something i myself find it hard to comprehend. so as the saying goes, there is always a first.

i was happy, exhilarated heart pumps, then lost, empty, heart spasm. happy nightfalls spending time with friends, sleeping in daylight for a few hrs for recharge. all i wanted to do is to be able to see, see, see.

dreams consisted of happy thoughts yet woke up to feel otherwise. my mind is active with jus one single thought while it shuts out everything else. this is the type of concentration i do not want. seeked solace in doing every other thing. watching my 3rd dvd for the evening, approaching the hour of 3am. probably gonna watch the 4th, 5th, 6th till i am so tired i can sleep through without having any dreams. i don't wanna dream. or maybe i don't wanna dream of that single sole thought my brain, mind and heart is viciously churning over and over again, failing to rest.

and while typing this post i just realised publishing of results are out in 2 days and yet i don't seem to give a hoot. cos all i care is that one thing. and while this typing is reminding me of that one thing i don't wanna be reminded off, i shall shift my focus back to the dvd and drown myself in the picture.